Why Trying To Get “Rid Of Fear” Is A Mind Game You Can’t Win

By Lorraine Cohen, www.lorrainecohen.com

“You are allowed to be scared. Fear doesn’t come up because you did something wrong, you’re doomed, or you look funny. Fear comes up because you’re not seeing some gorgeous, valuable and much-needed jewel right where you’re standing, and it will absolutely not let you go out that door without it.” – Mark Silver

reflection-shadow1I’ve been dancing with fear all my life. For example, when I was in my 30’s I overcame fear of public speaking to become a sought after speaker and I moved to a new state with little money and no steady income to build a coaching/spiritual guidance/therapy practice that is approaching its 28th year. Was it scary? Hell yeah.

How did I deal with my fears and doubts? At the time I used what most people were working with: affirmations, creative visualization, focusing on being in the present, breathing, hypnosis, emotionally eating … techniques geared to interrupt the mental messages, body sensations, and change beliefs and “get rid” of the fear feelings.

The focus was all about stopping and getting rid of unwanted fears and feelings.

In the late 1990’s my life fell apart for the second time. After buying a new home, a new car, doing some home renovations, my therapy practice suddenly began to steadily decline. Money fears created a panic and I found the usual mind control techniques failed to provide any long term relief. I had periods of feeling terrified, helpless, angry, desperate, and sad. At other times I saw something miraculous happening that would change my life if I just stayed strong and trusting to walk the distance through the darkness into the Light.

I began to understand the missing pieces. I realized that facing fear is not about overcoming it, it is about walking through it. I began looking at fear in a new light…

Instead, imagine seeing fear as an ally to:

* Keep you out of harm’s way by alerting you to danger.

* Help you to discern when you need to set healthy boundaries to be safe and protected.

* Support you in developing courage to show up to LIFE.

* Build faith in yourself, others, and God.

* Provide motivational and inspirational energy to break through perceived limitations and illusions to stand in your greatness.

* Show you when the “little you” inside needs attention and comfort; to feel love, care, and protection.

* Empower you to find your voice in your relationships, your business and in the message you wish to share with the world.

* And most importantly, show you when you have disconnected from the Divine within you, the True Source of your Power.

Trying to get “rid of fear” is a mind game you can’t win.

As long as you see your fears as an enemy to defeat, you will continue to wage war against yourself.

To transform fear you must walk through it… to see the illusions and reclaim your Power.

The darkness or challenge is a pathway to the Light. You can get stuck in the story of a perceived problem. When you look for the deeper meaning of each experience that challenges you, you will always find healing, learning and growth opportunities.

Debbie Ford once wrote:

“Thank your soul for bringing fear into your life as a pathway to find your way back home to God – this presence within you that loves you dearly– this energy that always triumphs fear. Love your fears as you would anything you cherish – bless them, honor them, and use them as the sacred reminders that they are … lighting the way back to the wholeness of your Sacred Self and into the loving embrace of the Divine.”

Beautiful wisdom…

You are living at an auspicious time in history, waking up to see life through a new set of eyes in this Era of Enlightenment. Fear will continue to be a part of your life experience as you grow and evolve. A critical key to dance in this new energy is to learn how to live in the present moment, embracing each experience without resistance and allowing your feelings to be fully felt without trying to control, manage, move, and direct their elimination.

Any attempt you do to try to control your experience will create more resistance and suffering.

Feel your fears (and every emotion) without focusing on the mental story your mind/ego is creating.

Experience your emotions as the energy they are and breathe into them, doing NOTHING. Just feel, breathe and notice… body sensations, thoughts swirling…whatever…..let your emotions play out….

Without resistance and actively engaging your efforts to get rid of or stop what you don’t want to feel, the emotions will begin to burn out and fall apart leading to transformation. Peace and Grace will rush in when you stop fighting.

Embrace your fears with love instead of judging them and doing battle. Your life will change…. 😀


Founder of Powerfull Living, Rev. Lorraine Cohen (United States) is an internationally recognized life architect, spiritual guide, inspirational speaker, and heart healer. For more than 25 years, Lorraine has assisted thousands of women who value the inner journey, have the courage and passion to go deeper and create massive changes in themselves to reach higher states of consciousness and be of the greatest service to the world; to live a life that is awake and authentic and to create a reality that is conscious, deliberate and meaningful. www.lorrainecohen.com

When Your World Starts To Crumble

By Brenda Pearce, http://www.efactorlive.com

CMR-My-show-cardWhen your world starts to crumble, do you bring out the crazy glue, to piece it back together?

This may work a time or two. It is exhaustive and it may last a day, a month or a year, and if we are lucky, forever. What else do you bring to the mix? Is this a process that only you can fix, or do you bring others in to help? I have found that if the situation is fixable, it is because it is truly in alignment with YOU. If the situation repeats, then you really do need to look at the alignment with your true happiness, mission and passion.

I had a very difficult time with coming to grips with this concept myself.

When I married, it was with the intention of FOREVER. I took those vows so seriously that I would have rather died, than face the truth that what I was doing was not working. What started out with love, and commitment, hope and promise changed after the happenings of life along the way. I was the gal with the crazy glue bottle, fixing patching, cobbling because I thought it was what I needed to do. I was going crazy. Exhausted, and stretched to the frazzled remnants of ME.

When separation and the eventual divorce ensued, I was left with only ME. This was the opening, the gift I really needed to really honour, love and know that what could have been the door crashing in my face and an opportunity to blame or shame others, was really a chance to rebirth ME.

I took stock of what I had, and to take a step back from situation and really examine the lessons along the way, and be a student of life. Never did I think that this door would open at the age of 50, yet it did. More and more, people are finding that divorce is happening later in life, when things should be easier, financially, and relationship wise as the hard stuff should be over. Divorce is happening more so now in these later years as with the time to be more in relationship, away from the chaos of raising the family, we are faced with a stranger we thought we knew.

I am not advocating divorce as an answer to the crazy glue method of cobbling life together, but before you insanely try to patch what is broken, stop and really check in with you. Stop to honour you, for the Divine gift that you are. Look at your strengths, your goals and dreams and give them wings to be nurtured, embraced and developed, in or out of the relationship. The pieces will take care of themselves, they will either reassemble of their own accord, or be swept along the current of the journey of life, but you do not have to be the one to do all of the fixing.

A few things you can do, to nurture and love yourself, and open yourself to opportunity and personal repair…
– Take time to spend time in nature, or solitude – going for daily walks is a start
– Read good books, that are written by others on the life journey. Co-authored books by real women like the “Embraced By The Divine” book coming soon.
– Finding a group of women to join as either a membership site, or online community is a tremendous help. These women have been there and done that, and are really ready to share their wisdom from the heart
– Being less judgmental of yourself, the situation, or the other person.
– Taking in breathing or a mindfulness practice and stop relying on the past, or thinking about the future, and really focusing in on the moment… Am I okay, am I feeling good, and stretching each moment of realizing, I am okay, and I am really feeling good, and this will continue to stretch into the next moment and the next.
– Look at your skills. What do I do that really brings me happiness, and expand on that. Who knows, it may lead to a new passion that brings you happiness, and could become a new career or a lease on life.

Just know that it starts within you. You are all you need and when you realize the beauty of who you are, the world changes to celebrate and reflect on that. Put the crazy glue away, and step into a more harmonious you.


Brenda Pearce is a contributing author to The Embraced By the Divine book, by Michelle Mayur. She is an emerging author, speaker, healer, and broadcaster of 2 weekly shows, E Factor Radio on www.blogtalkradio.com/efactorbrendapearce, and The Empower Hour on the Connect Me Radio Network www.connectmeradio.com/genre/empowerment . A divorce after a 26 year marriage changed her life and opened doors she never knew were possible.